when i didn't know what i felt

For mant times i asked my self,
"Why i'm missing you so?"
everytimes i felt down,that the times my tears drop..
everytimes i felt alone,thar when i wasn't hearing your voices...

for many times i asked my self,
"do I love him?"
i couldn't think clearly when i asked that to my self,
i loved you like i love my brother,
but sometimes i felt diffrent when we talked...
when you called my name...
when me goes walking together...
everytime we laugh..
and evrytime i heard your pitty jokes...
i can't forget all those things...

no one can't proof what was going with me...

i feels like i'm in between,
between my lies n truth..
when i said "yes",
i could be true and could be lied too..
and do when i say "no"...

i always doubt whenever you asked me that...
don't know what should i say...

what can i do now??
cause of this,i just like a stupid girl now...